heartbreak

How Do I Get Him Back?

A beautiful woman is on the phone flirting with a guy she is chasing. — The reality is, getting him back requires two things.

There is nothing more heartbreaking than the words coming from someone who fears they've lost the one person they've poured their heart and soul into and are looking for help to get them back.

It's heartbreaking because of what they're going through. And it's even more heartbreaking because the answer I have to share with them is rarely ever the simple one they were hoping to hear.

Because yes, you can get someone back. But it's not as simple as saying just the right words, or sending the perfect texts in just the right sequence or anything remotely similar to a formula.

No, the reality is, getting him back requires two things. One you have control over and one you don't.

Why am I telling you this? Because there's someone going through this right now, and it's her letter I'm sharing with you today.Continue Reading

The Problem with "Broken"

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Woman looking into a broken mirror representing her low self-esteem. — It does more damage than all our other programming combined.

There's a single word for what we've been told about ourselves that does more damage than all our other programming combined.

Amongst all the stories we've been told about who we are, where we've come from, and why we can never trust ourselves more than we can trust someone else who always knows better than we do, it's the story that tells us we're broken, that we've always been broken and we need someone or something outside of us to save us from ourselves.

Sound familiar?

The problem is that when we've accepted this as our own story for so long, we stop questioning it. And even worse, we forget we even have the right to. And we don't even see that there is a problem.

See, when you've been told you're broken, when you've been told you have to go to some being outside yourself to ask for forgiveness for the simple act of being human, you're going to have a hard time believing you're not.Continue Reading

But That's Not You, Is It?

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A beautiful woman sits on a beach looking sad because her ex has moved on. — You poured every part of your being into your relationship with him.

Years of walking through heartbreak, both my own and with you, have confirmed one very specific thing; we don't get over it, avoid it, or use strategies to keep it from affecting us.

We walk through it. We feel it.

All of it.

There are women who follow a practical "3-step guide" to getting over a guy and that’s all they need.

They get a new hairstyle.

They get a makeover.

They buy some new clothes.

Maybe they take a trip somewhere.

But that’s not you.

No, you feel everything.Continue Reading

Blindsided By This Breakup

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A beautiful woman looks sad because her boyfriend doesn't want to be with her. — I just don't understand any of it.

Our letter today is from Ann, who's been blindsided by a breakup after 5 years together.

Here's her story...

Hi Jane,

My question is how do I move on after being blindsided by this breakup?

My ex and I had been together for 5 years. Looking back, there are probably some red flags that I overlooked.

When we first started dating, he was very hard to read. It took us a long time to actually determine what our relationship was, and part of this was due to the fact that when we first met, I was supposed to be moving away for grad school.

I brought up the topic of where our relationship was heading, and he said that he knew we needed to talk about it but he wasn't sure what to say because he had been in a long distance relationship in the past, and it didn't work. I had also been in one so I could understand where he was coming from.Continue Reading

I Really Don’t Want to Let Go

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Beautiful woman sad sitting on the window sill and painting on glass feeling heartbroken because it's hard to move on. — I have never met someone so compatible with me.

Ever met someone you liked so much right away? And the more you got to know him, the more you liked him, the more compatible you thought you were until that's all you could see? Our letter this week is from beautiful Cindy who's going through this now, and a whole lot more.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane,

I’m going through a very heartbreaking, difficult time now.

I have been dating this guy for 5 months. We had a lot in common and we really got along together. We spent every weekend together since our first date. He’s the one I’ve been looking for, and I like everything about him. The more I know about him, the more I like him.

I even seen him as a potential partner.Continue Reading

Is It Right to Go With Him When He's Breaking My Heart?

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A beautiful woman is sipping coffee while talking with a man over lunch, wondering why she's not getting what she wants in a relationship. — Should I take this trip with him even though he broke up with me?

Our letter this week comes all the way from Greece, from beautiful Gc, who's looking for some advice on whether she should go on a trip that was planned in advance with a guy who's breaking her heart with the knowledge that he just wants to be friends.

Here's her story:

Hi Jane,

So first of all let me introduce myself. I'm 29 years old and I come from a small island of Greece.

Before a year, I was at a friend's wedding here at our beautiful island. My friend that was getting married was from the USA and had the wedding here because of his mother that she is born here too. So I met this guy that was the best men at the wedding also from the States and he approached me the night of the wedding party.Continue Reading